children of narcissists do it better....

northside ladies!

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 06:11:07 GMT

I'll probably still spew personal crap on here.... but this is my ultacomboblog.. really proud of it it looks great! I've been slowly chipping away at it!

http://northsideladies.blogspot.com/

Monday Melbourne Roundup

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 05:16:10 GMT

A fortnight has lapsed, I've been bad at updating this... news.. .fell off the wagon my 6 weeks of no drinking (well turned into *minimal drinking* so like 4 drinks a week) was well and truely trashed over easter and I spent most of it either blathering crap or puking. I did have fun, though I had the house guest from hell from which I will write something about later, once I stop wincing at the sound of her name.

I'm Ok Thanks - Winter show

A local plug. My friend Emina makes beautiful, sweatshop free, locally made clothing. Check out her store if you're ever in Brunswick. The winter collection party was fun and it was nice to see the new stuff.

Mad Max Remix

"The cult classic Mad Max trilogy has been re-edited down to an hour and is screened silently behind a crack team of actors, improvisers and musicians. Behold as they turn the tale of Max and the last of the V8s into an uplifting teen movie of one man's redemption through dance. " - nuff said. It was freakin hilarious. Its on the 26th check it out!

Daylesford. What the fuck is all the hype about. It’s a fucking country town. I thought like "Hepburn Springs" and so forth were like actual proper mineral springs, like volcanic shit we could sit in. Not some middle class beauty therapy town. The Mill was amazing and so is Des's honey. SO GLAD I went there for a day trip instead of booking some sort of fancy weekend. Bollocks to that. I did however find out about another microbrew I want to go and check out Holgate, their stout was very very nice!

Patee Thai - Brunswick St

Having grown up in Sydney, I was raised on Thai and Lebanese food. So damn boy do I know what good thai food tastes like and it took me AAAGESSS to find thai that I considered good in Melbourne. Welcome to Patee Thai. Damn! Little pricey but AMAZING. Its making me drool a little bit right now.

Tiki Bar - Richmond

These cocktails are lethal. I mean it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Dreamy, creamy pina coladas, something called a volcano or something which is part theatrical flaming zombie brains part lethal paint stripper. The space is kind of strange… not used well at all, and having been to a million tiki bars when I was living in the states, certainly doesn’t come up to scratch with even the kind of worst one I went to there, but if you're ever in Richmond, definitely go there, the cocktails are to die for. No scrimping with shit booze, I did go there for a wedding though and they hated us and couldn’t wait for us to leave. So actually I'm indifferent about the whole thing. As I said, if in Richmond and looking for somewhere new… check it out.

Fairfield Boat Shed

This reminds me of an amusement park from the early 80's. The food is disgusting and MASSIVELY over priced ($17 for a hamburger, and I mean a soccor fete hamber with some limp lettuce). The setting is however beautiful. You can rent boats and row around blah blah blah. Definitely a place to recover from a hard night out (which is what we were doing) and for lame white middle class people to feel rich/cultured. Oh yep. The website says it all.

The Vegie Bar

I love you. Share a meal. Share a dessert. You don’t feel like such a disgusting pig afterwards. This weeks fare was, tempeh burger on roti bread, spring rolls. Hot. It was more than enough to feed 2 people, portion sizes are HOOGE AND DELICIOUS.

Recent dreams

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 00:57:41 GMT

Thursday 16th April

Set in a swampy dark with an orange tinge to the night sky, back in my old neighbourhood I grew up in. I knew there was going to be carnage at the party that night and decided not to go in, knowing full well that Freddy Krueger was after me. My conscience told me that I was going to have to battle him sooner or later so I might as well do it at the party but I decided to flee with some of my old school friends in tow. We ended up at Amandas house after running through my old primary school (SO film noir horror film), the vision was like this washed out sepia black and white film. We're standing in the kitchen when Freedy bursts in through the window with someone else in tow (cant remember who but some other horro film guy) , ready, I stab him in shoulder with a kitchen knife, quicky pull it out and stab him UNDER the rib cage into the heart (I could *feel* this in the dream, feel the knife going into the skin), when he let out this throaty, phlegmy cackle, in a scottish accent said "You cinnae kill me lass, I am the undead mwahahahahaha" I quickly pulled the knife out of his chest, he raises his knife hands to swipe me and I start to hack into his neck with the butchers knife (remembering that this seems to be the ONLY thing that kills the undead in horror films) when my alarms goes off and I open my eyes.

I love it when I have dreams in black and white/sepia tones, because my regular dreams are such washed out hyper colours most of the time.

Sunday 19th April

I had the very very important job of taking the royal giant crab to the royal vetinarian for a check up as he was not feeling very well. I plopped him into a black plastic bag with something else (some other animal cant remember what it was like a rabbit or something) and my Dad drove me in a pick up truck to the vet. On the way we drove past this MASSIVE Taj Mahal like building that was being gutted and there must have been like 10,000 workers working on it. I asked my dad to pull over so we could go and have a look. They were gutting this old building (the impression I had that I was actually in the future like 200 years and it was the genuine Taj Mahal that had been neglected and fallen into disrepair) and I started talking to some of the workers that were working on it. They had come from all over for steady work and were being exploited by the Queen which I was quite disgusted with. It then dawned on me that I had a crab and a rabbit in the same bag and perhaps the crab might hurt the rabbit. I pulled the crab out and started to talk to him and he was telling me that he wasn’t feeling that well and we should take him to the vet quickly. My dad warned me that he could hurt me with his pincers, which I told him was totally ludicrous! He was such a friendly crab! On the way to the vet the bag went spastic, with the crab in it battling with the rabbit and killing it. I pulled the crab out and gave him a STERN talking to and with my best mumsy voice told him that if he didn’t behave we would have to put rubber bands on his pincers and what on earth was I going to tell the Queen about the Royal Rabbit. He said "we both know who is most important in the Queens eyes". The dream ended with me and the crab going up miles and miles of winding stair cases in a tower in the royal castle. I woke up before we got to our destination.

TRIPPY.

Monday Melbourne Roundup

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 04:41:42 GMT

Melbourne International Comedy Festival started this week..... along with the temperature being unseasonably warm, the plummeting back into Autumn again...
Let the Right One In - Stunning. A vampire film starring two 12 year olds set in Sweden in 1982. The best film I've seen since "No Country for Old Men" go and see it. 5 stars.

Steve Coogan - Melbourne International Comedy Festival - Amazing. I was filled with trepidation that he was not going to live up to my astronomic expectations, but he lived up to them and so much more. When Alan Partridge ran out and screamed "ah-ha!" I laughed so hard I almost choked. I'm still humming "everyones a bit of a cunt some-time"

Bowl of Soul - I love this place, I go there about once a week for lunch. The best vegie food this side of the river! Fake steak sandwiches!! Not dogs!! Healthy food but my favourite is the spicey fake chicken roll. So SO good. Lots of gluten free options too. Won best vegie restaurant of the year in 2007. Check it out if you're in Port.

The Station Hotel, Footscray - Another one of my restaurant crushes but this one did not disappoint like Cumulus. Not really a vegetarian friendly restaurant but the few vegie things they had on the menu were STUNNING. If you are into steak this is definitely the place for you. The meal are enormous, I had 2 entrees and it was too much for me to eat. We were all so stuffed we couldn’t even contemplate dessert. The service was swift, friendly and perfectly timed. The setting is strange, it cant decide between country pub and fine dining but it just works. Its obviously a labour of love. Book now, takes about 3 weeks to get a table. Highly recommend it.

Movidas Next Door - what can I say? Ti quero mucho! My most perfect place on earth, to the point that all the wait staff now know me and know what I like. The menu has changed! We had the polenta stuffed squid (which was nice, not the usual 10 out of 10 that ever dish gets there but definitely an 8), my staple favourite the patatas bravas (I swear to fucking god the tomato sauce is cooked in a ham bone but I dare not ask just in case I cant eat it again) and fresh grilled sardines. My god. And the wine. THE WINE. They have taken my favourite dessert off the menu (!!!) but this did not worry my so much. We had the deep fried custard with stewed apples and holy shit. Movidas Next Door is heaven on earth. My favourite place to eat in Melbourne hands down. Consistently excellent.

Monday Melbourne Roundup

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 00:20:58 GMT

Well it was a snuggly week in Melbourne, the seasons are changing gently, its dark in the morning, its cold and I'm finding it really really hard to get out of bed.

Breaker Morant and The Primitive Calculators - St Jeromes - Wednesday night. Breaker Morant are fucking amazing. Nice to see a good punk band in Melbourne, especially since the lead singer Miles is obsessed with war and sings songs about Iwo Jima and Franco. We hung around for the Primitive Calculators which were shit so we left. This is the last time I went to St Jeromes. RIP.

Moonlight and Magnolias - Melbourne Theatre Company. A pretty camp, highly energetic, 'comedy' about the furious re-write process of Gone With the Wind. Not pretty camp REALLY camp. The audience was a mixed bag, which was nice as all the other MTC plays we have been to seem to have been seniors specials. The play itself was ok, inoffensive, I think I actually laughed proper once though. The set however is INCREDIBLE and Marg Downey fulfillled an unknown sexual fantasy of mine by tottering around in an art deco secretarys outfit the whole time. The squealing jew-boy who plays 'selzneck" the producer is a TOTAL hotty too.

Ride on Dinner - I stumbled upon this by accident and boy am I glad I did cause I LOVE EATING AND I LOVE RIDING MY BIKE!!!, it was SO MUCH FUN! About 70 cyclists riding around Brunwick to Essendon stopping along the way eating little snacks handed out to us by the cycle chefs I WAS CRAZY GOOD. It was nice for me (a commuter cyclist) to hang out with other nice (read: non knob head) cyclists and just have a gentle ride along trails I don’t usually go down. That and the halloumi was off the hook and the turkish delight. I will DEFFO go to the next one!

The Toff in the Town. The Toff is a weird one, situated above Cookie, I'd been to see a few bands play there, the beer in the band room is outrageously expensive (and the service pretty fucking terrible too), however we went there after Breaker Morant for a cheese plate about 11pm and it was fantastic. We managed to get one of those little booths in the train car and the cheese and wine and service were phenomenal. We are definitely going to go back for dinner as the menu looked amazing. Who knew huh?

3a - a local for me in Brunswick, this very underrated café (which is so close to my house I'm disgusted that I don’t go there) is a secret little gem. The girls that run it are gorgeous, the food and drink on offer amazing and I just adore the small space. Need to go there often and stop complaining that theres nothing good near Sydney rd.

The new bakery on Sydney rd - cant remember what its called - the one opposite Priceline… nothing spectacular… wouldn’t really go back honestly… Babkas and Filous have spoiled me forever on baked goods!

robotsex or how I learned to stop worrying and love the wang

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 01:40:35 GMT

I had the strangest dream last night, cant remember many details, except I was having sex with a robot who had seduced me (it was a metal robot with oddly enough a large flesh penis!) on a giant round bed in a strange church like room. People I knew and my family thought I was gross for having gone through with it, and kept finding 'excuses' for coming into the room. I wrapped myself and the robot up in all the covers so they could at least not see the details and I kept having to verbally shoo them away. After I was done riding that robot like nobodies business, Steve Coogan and entourage storms into the room obviously on his way somewhere, I purred from the bed that he should just stop here as I was ready and waiting for him. (HAHAHAHA!) the best part, he was in like an english admirals uniform. HAHA!

Moral of the story? Sex with men has become an abstract, comical notion even within my subconcious?

Monday Melbourne Roundup

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 02:27:03 GMT

Ok my blog is coming back slowly.. I've been working on other projects.. How are you? Its been so long since we talked!

The Year of Magical Thinking

Extraordinary play by the Sydney Theatre Company. Robin Nevin in the lead (and only role), a play based on Joan Didions best selling memoir, covers the sticky and dellusioned territory that fell around her husband and only child passing away within 8 months of each other. Haunting, beautiful and amazing. Go and see it.

Newtown Workers Club

The remade "Rob Roy" by St Jerome, the space just feels too 'new'. Lets see what it does over the next 6 months. It is nice however to see the old Rob Roy space being used, it was kind of sad to go past it all the time and see it empty. The kitchen will be serving food in 2 weeks, I'll check it out.

Movidas Next Door

Clare and I have been having dessert there a lot lately, especially after the cockup-and-a-half that was Cumulus (it was utter shit). Movidas, still amazing, still the best in Melbourne. It was also awesome to see Franco himself behind the grill (in shorts!) le swoon.

Aqua e Vino

Well I'd never been to Yarraville. Its cute! And Aqua e Vino was great. The crowd was cute, the wait staff ever cuter and the drinks as far as I could tell were delicious (I'm not drinking that much these days). I will try to check out Yarraville some more.

Monday Melbourne Roundup - The first quarter update

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 02:09:21 GMT

I havent felt like blogging but feel the need to at least 'keep the dialogue going' so here is a 2009 roundup.

Timeline:

Christmas I went home for a week, it was nice to see everyone, spent a few days down the south coast at Callala Bay with my aunty/uncle and cousins.

me and my brother Louis                                                   me at Callala Beach - Xmas Day

my sister Rose                                                                       some of my 25 cousins Olivia and Stella

my brother Nicholas who wont let me photograph him.

1st January New Years - Went to a Love Boat themed party at my friend Maggies house. It was awesome fun. I was really sick from allergies but decided to power on through anyway.

Me, Mel, Tania and PK rocking the dance floor         the hostess with the most-ess Maggie

9th of January - my birthday. My mum came to town and took me on the Restaurant Tram. It was cute, the food was really bad, a bit better than airline food really, but my mum loved it. Its expensive though for what it is.

Mum on the Restaurant Tram                                            Gomez on the Gershwin Room

13th Gomez performing all of "Bring it On" - Adrian took me to this for my birthday present. It was amazing. An album that holds great significance for us both, singularily and during the time we were a couple.

St Kilda after Gomez - 13th January 2009

17th January All Tomorrows Parties - Cockatoo Island - Dad paid for me to go to Sydney for this event. It was amazing. Best music festival I've ever been to. Cockatoo Island is a total trip as well. For more info clicky

The Sounds of Seduction - ATP Cockatoo Island - 17th January 2009

the Turbine Room - ATP Cockatoo Island - 17th January 2009

23rd/24th January - Clare took me to the Versace Palazzo on the Gold Coast for my birthday. Insanely spoiled lady indeed.

Me - Lobby Versace Palazzo Gold Coast                        Me and the famous Metre Maids!

29th January - TV on the Radio - I almost died a million deaths. Hotter than hell but seriously fucking amazing.

February - I cant for the life of me remember what happened, but I was super fucking busy. My friends from Arizona came over to Perth to be married late Feb, so I spent a week in Fremantle hanging out, riding my bike around, drinking and eating at Little Creatures everyday and getting a wicked tan.

Me - Hosier Lane - Melbourne                                            Karim - Hosier Lane - Melbourne

Little Creatures Long Necks - Bon Scotts Grave             Karim - Bon Scotts Grave

The wedding party settling in to Fremantle                   I got everyone excited about doing 'hot soup'

Indian Ocean

Amie going down the aisle                                               Amie and Adam - a marriage of alliteration

March 8th/9th - 4 days after I got back I went to Golden Plains which was fun. Black Mountain were amazing.

Saturday night

PK - my muse                                                                        Tania - Dave - Me - Mars

Which leaves me here on the 18th of March having just spent my first full weekend at home alone last weekend IN THE YEAR. I slept 12 horus on Saturday night and I went in for 11 hours last night. I'm feeling pretty amazing.

In personal news, erm not much. Been to0 busy to contemplate anything. I'm truly truly happy. I got a little sad seeing all my American friends. I miss my American life, although NONE of us like in Flagstaff anymore, it was a magical time for me. I've been going through my blog, tagging and reading (I'm trying to collate a blog that I will use as a portfolio to get into uni you can find it here petuniafeltpeoplelied.blogspot.com) and basically read the story of my life from the past 6 years.. And what a rollercoaster ride. It totally TOTALLY gave me perspective on where I am now and also what happened with Seth. I got insecure that maybe I had been a little crazy over it and driven him away, but in re-reading our correspondance I still feel I was right in what I did. I'm happy that it didn’t work out though, and I understand why I was so in love with him too, I had been writing it off as a rebound romance, which it sort of was but at the same time I would totally fall in love with him if I had met him now, 4 years after Adrian and I split.

My self confidence is totally coming back and I am rocking the kasbah. Im so happy alone. I sat in my silent house for 5 hours last night reading in bed. Silence is amazing.

In going through my journal I found some amazing photos of me. Here is one done by Vis, you are really talented lady.

Love you. Give me news of you.

new blog

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 22:39:48 GMT

yeah... I know!

but I have created this blog as basically a writing portfolio (sort of) so you will see afew things rehashed... I've been going through my LJ from the beginning and tagging and reading some of the rants that I wrote.. its been inspiring... that I *can* do this shit you know?

anyway check it out bookmark it.. google reader it

petuniafeltpeoplelied.blogspot.com

I think I'm becoming a teetotaller

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 02:07:34 GMT

The whirling dervish has gotten a little pooped and now I'm able to write about whats been happening in the world of Carlotta de Ville…

Well so much.. I've been like 95% vegan since Christmas and I've been feeling way better for it… I'll still eat a bit of fetta or blue cheese when I'm out… but all in all its been really easy and inspiring.. Ive had all my old cookbooks out and been reading recipes… I think what I'm aiming for is fish and a bit of egg as my only animal products. All house products and personal products I use are vegan (I make all my own cleaning products), all in all really enjoying food and spending time in the kitchen.

I have made massive inroads with my father, Christmas was *good* and things are *good* with us. The time apart was good and I think he realises that in light of the fact that I don’t need him, I've been hanging out with him because I want to. The other morning I was up in Sydney for All Tomorrows Parties and we just hung out at the house and I put on Fleet Foxes for him and he loved it and we just went about our business, I helped him fix the water filter.. He made us espressos and we read the paper. We are embarking on a relationship that we've never had before and I feel proud of both of us that we could come to the party together.

Conversely my mother came to Melbourne to visit me for my birthday and we had a huge falling out, something I realised would happen eventually but had been hoping it wouldn’t. Ultimately both my parents are spoiled children and I wont be copping to their games anymore, I show them the respect they deserve but in all other avenues honestly they can get fucked if they think I'm going to toe their selfish ass lines anymore. I'm sorry you did everything for your parents, but I'm not going to do what you did for them. Its not right and I have a life and I'm not living it to serve you and your need of total adulation.

I was seriously ill with allergies after Christmas and spent the rest of my week off lying down watching movies. I dragged myself out for New Years, pretended I wasn’t sick and had an *awesome* time, didn’t drink too much and was in bed by 2am. I'm really not into getting drunk anymore. I sercretly think I am becoming a tee-totaller.

Previous to Christmas a dear friend came over from London for a night before heading off to her fam in Brizzer. Was lovely to see her and made me sad for my life in London that I so quickly abandoned, but also secure in the *knowing* that here is where I am meant to be for the time being. Its funny how SO MUCH of the timelines of your life can be wrapped up in one person!

Birthday was lovely, I woke up to me already halfway through singing happy birthday to you in my head.. How cute! That confirmed to me that I am the happiest I've ever been, as pretty much all of my birthdays have left me feeling extremely depressed. Adrian took me to see Gomez perform all of Bring It On and then took me out to dinner at SoulMama.. Too sweet… and tonight Clare is taking me on a mystery trip! Squee!

In frustrating news I've had almost $700 stolen out of my bank account by fraudsters which has left my tenuous finances pretty much up shit creek, they reckon 3 months its going to take them to get it back fucking ANZ ARE COCKHEADS. Never do a manual imprint in a taxi my friends beware.

In love news.. Well theres no news… I have exhausted the list of crushes I have had.. Some for a very long time… and I've started the year with not a single crush… but I'm content.. before I was really frustrated and just you know.. would have found it really nice for someone to like me or find someone interesting.. but now I'm just happy with where I am… its not that I'm not looking or I've given up… but just.. calm in knowing that someone will get it at some point… and think I'm a very sweet, loving and exciting creature and want to be with me… but until that happens I'm just cruising along and enjoying life..

In extremely sad news my dear friend Trent Vesper passed away last week from cancer. I went to the funeral on Monday it was a very very beautiful service.

Plans for 2009…. I want to spend more time with my siblings.. they are just so darling and wonderful and I love them so much… I want to start a uklele duo with my brother Louis.. and sing old tyme songs in harmonies together… and spend more time with my sister.. she is 12 and starting to think about things that are important to a young girls psyche and highly impressionable.. I just want to be there to be a sounding board for her… and also as a strong female example... I want to open a bar with Clare (estimated opening September), I'm planning on going to the States and Canada for a month in August (LA,LYC,TO,CO- Burning Man -,SF,LA), I'm off to Perth late Feb for a week, a few trips to Sydney, a trip to Adelaide.. and looking into next year I'm hoping to go to Samoa for my 30th….

My siblings are just so gorgeous especially the two youngest who I call the babies… Louis is 13 and Rose turns 12 in March… I took them to see Slumdog millionaire and its like a lion with her cubs… I walk the steady line and they prance and roll around me, playing with each other.. pretend fighting with me.. It makes me feel so connected… and they will just roll up to me for a cuddle for no reason.. Or just hold my hand because they want to.. I feel like a parent to them… I fed them, changed them.. Made them laugh.. they used to both jump into bed with me on a Saturday morning and read books I'd wake up to these curly blonde mops smiling at me and poking at me with huge chubby fingers.. we used to all be curled up on the couch watching Sunday cartoons together.. We still do.. In the same position… me in the middle and louis on the right and rose on the left..their heads still on my shoulders and holding hands…. It makes me feel connected to something that is so much greater than myself… than these blood filled limbs and organs…..

There are few things in life that are finite

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 22:52:24 GMT

There are few things in life that are finite.We've become so accustom to being able to change things, have wiggle room or most importantly do nothing. Death and babies are two of the very real, finite things in life, I think its why they are so hard to adjust to our inner child has a tantrum at having our chances stolen from us. Part of us are scared and freaked out in a primal way by the fact that you can NEVER change it, you cant say something, do anything, one moment they are there alive, the next dead, one moment its just you, the next moment you have a mouth to feed and someone dependant on you until you yourself pass away.

This morning I woke up to another day, however this day marks a different world that I live in, a world without my friend Trent. He passed away yesterday after a 4 year battle with cancer, at home, in his partners arms, surrounded by his friends and family. A fitting humane and elegant tribute to a man who never complained and battled his disease with an elegance I haven't seen in the dying and rarely glimpsed in the living.

I first met Glen, Trents partner, when I was 13 years old, Glen was 14. We met at school musical. We became fast friends and spent our teenage years being social outcasts at high school due to the dubious nature of our sexualities. We rolled up other possible people of that 'disposition' like some sort of misfit tumbleweed and psychically protected each other from racist, white, pseudo middle class Australia by just being who we are. We spent so much time together, he was my best friend. The way he drove around like a maniac in his little red car, Bikini Kill blaring out of the stereo as we'd go around vandalising our suburb, he was my ultimate partner in crime, he cleaned up my vomit, he told me when I was a shithead and more often than not was the only person left speaking to me after I'd been on a self destructive, drug fuelled spree.

Glen finally came out to much relief by all of us at the age of 19 and shortly after that introduced us to Trent. I was so happy that he had finally been able to let it all out and had found someone so lovely. They quickly moved in together and spent the last 10 years happy and in love, surrounded by their myriad animals, a veritable zoo, a menagerie.

Four years ago Trent was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, the doctors had found cancerous nodes on his liver. The first 2 years were encouraging as he bounced back so ably after each round of treatment but the cancer came back and it came back, more surgery, more chemo, more radiation… and it came back again, surgery, chemo, radiation… and then it came back and spread to his stomach.. then they cut out parts of his stomach and liver and oesophagus.. then it came back again and they cut out more of his liver… and then it came back again and they inserted the radiation rods into his liver… and the radiation rods created an ulcer that burned through to his lung cavity.. and then he got pneumonia… and then he had a massive lung operation cutting out the ulcer, a part of his lung that had died due to his pneumonia, rejoing the wall between his organs… they drained a litre of fluid out of his lungs in the first day…. every time he went to that place they took more and more and more out of him…. It was gut wrenching to see him in such pain all the time. Such frailty. I makes you question the very essence of your beliefs and philosophise about the 'Hippocratic oath'.

There was nothing left by the time Christmas came along, he was just skin and bones and already had one foot into the ether. I hugged him at Christmas and felt his frail body crumple underneath me, I touched his face and kissed his head and told him I'd see him soon. Standing at the car that night Glen hugged my goodbye and I felt him start to shake and tears well up in his eyes, we both knew the next time we'd see each other would be at Trents funeral. He felt so lonely to me, it is so hard to have to watch people go down a path that traumatic and not be able to change their destination and only hold their hand a few steps of the way.

Its funny when people are dying, you would think there would be hysteria, solemn bedside confessions of everything that you had ever wanted to tell them, of how much you loved them and how heart broken you will be when they die. Instead, you talk about anything BUT, like a purple elephant is standing in the room, shitting in a corner and you just keep on talking about the weather and Corey and tv shows. The dying know they are dying. The dying do not want to talk about being sick, they want to enjoy the last days they have on this planet in as much normalcy as possible. The biggest thing I learned about death is its all about them, it has NOTHING to do with you. You can be sad later. Enjoy every day you have with them and do not think about the future. Say what you need to say to the people that you love today because even if you get the 'luxury' of knowing someone is terminal you wont be able to say the things that you feel you need to.

I cry for Glen. For a beautiful faggot boy who was a dying mans rock. For a man, who at the age of 29, is burying his partner of 10 years after caring for his failing body for the last four.

Life is about accepting that bad things happen and loving the beauty that you have before you, what you have in your hands.

My mother so aptly said last night, "sometimes people need to die in order for you to live". The profundity of this statement continues to echo through me.

Trent Ryan, you were such a beautiful man, so elegant and kind and so much fun, thank you for sharing with us I will miss you.

while I'm at it...

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 04:01:39 GMT

I need to record this while its fresh in my memory…. Or still hazy in my memory… my dream a few nights ago was utterly bizarre. Its in bits and pieces in my head but the general gist of it is I was desperatley trying to find somewhere to live and an old school friend was helping me.. Driving me around…. I went and looked at a place while he went and looked at another, he called me and said hed found the perfect place and was in the process of signing the docs because it was going to get taken straight away…. I went over there and it was a SHITHOLE…. Like a squat in a storage warehouse or something…. I was kind of dismayed when looking around I saw photos around with obviously the people who live there in them… I panicked! It was someone from high school I fucking hate… I started to squirm.. Yelling at my friend.. Didn’t you realise that this was so and sos place.. He was all .. Yeah that’s how I knew it was available.. .on one foot I was pleased that she was living in such squalor.. On the other foot I really REALLY didn’t want to see her that’s when I heard a car pull up outside and I yelled and panicked! Quick I said we must leave…. How?!! Then me and my friend shapeshifted into kookaburras and flew away and sat in the tree outside the house! Hahahahha! Then I remember thinking how my plan was kind of flawed as there werent really any kookaburras living in the area and it would seem odd that there was 2 sitting outside her house talking…. Then we fly away!

break update

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 03:54:20 GMT

I cant be bothered bashing anything out so I'll let a recent piece of correspondence suffice:

alicio! Ive been meaning to write you but things have been hectic and I havent really been online.... I've been really good.. had a super huge sinusitis attack last week which knocked me out pretty much for the whole week.. I still have a runny nose and cant hear properly but I'm at least on the mend and back at work...

yeah I went to sydders for 4 days.. my bitch sister is getting married which is torturing the family to the tips of their teeth.... a money hungry fiend she is.... it has washed away my sins far into the distance and I am now looking like the most saintly child a family could have ever born. christmas was spent with my mother and brother and her sister and family down the south coast of new south wales.. gorgeousness.... boxing day morning with dew on my feet and a cup of tea in my hand.. standing on the lawn watching the dolphins swin by... watched a tonne of movies.. swam in the sea... ate really good food and didnt really eat too much crap/drink too much... Ive gone on a detox nonetheless and gone total vegan for the next couple of months to clean myself out.. its made me really excited about food again which has been beautiful... just sitting down and pawing through my vegan cookbooks...

yes eartha kitt and betty page.... sorry to hear about your brothers friends death darling....

projects for this year is namely opening a bar.... just something small and familyish... something for my friends to come and have a few long necks at.. its been exciting to think about.. I guess i am putting down roots here.... life is just too easy and wondrous and beautiful and inspiring here.... besides this whole financial hoohaa is going to root people to the spot wherever they have landed for the next few years...

i miss you loads... I've been playing your album alot... I must write down the names of the songs that are my favs and send them to you soon

sending you love and hugs

carla

sleigh bells jing jing jingling and

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 21:28:20 GMT

oh god .. so much of course has happened but I dont have time to write a full entry just yet.... questionable sexual escapades (of course) me almost meeting my death in an explosion of custard, coming home to find a gigantic turd on my bed, visiting the dying, my sister getting engaged and getting up in the morning to watch dolphins swimming on the beach that I am staying on.....

its been intense... but I have to go and do some sneaky christmas shopping before my folks get home today.... squee.

heres hoping that you all had a wonderful christmas and I hope you have a wonderful new year. I wont be online much as I dont have the internet and I dont go back to work until the 5th.

big love. carla.

aurora australis

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 22:58:13 GMT

This dream is kind of patchy…. I was organising movie night but I had forgotten all of my stuff so my mum drove me back to my houes in a white 4x4 and off in the distance I started seeing gold waves move through the sky. Staring in complete bewilderment I said to mum.. What the hell is that? Then a pulse went off in the sky and wave of green rolled through the sky the a wave of red and it started shimmering like a curtain, pulsating like waves. I started to cry at home beautiful it was sitting there with my mouth agape holding my mums hand and not daring to breathe incase it made it all go away. All the traffic had stopped and I said "it’s the aurora australis!!!". Colour kept waving through the sky but we started to drive again. We stopped off at the nandos franchise I had purchased (wtf?!?) and I went to have a quick meeting with the manager and discuss the contract where I was giving training on their register system (it was some weird counting system kind of like an abacus that would help you keep track of how much money ou had earned in your till and help you calculate how much the customer hd purchased and then how much change you had to give them). I'm really bad at math and got upset that I couldn’t understand the system, where I was informed that I was supposed to work on the ocunter for the first year as part of my contract… that’s when I kind of cracked and said I didn’t want to go through with the purchase anymore, the manager went and got a GIANT tray of chicken and starting pulling pieces of brown flesh off the bones and saying.. Try it at least… I rememebr feeling sick to my stomach by the smell and the flesh was really really brown like the colour of liver. I said I didn’t eat meat and she laughed at me disgusted and said how the fuck did I think I could own a Nandos?!?! I kind of concurred and left, very very upset.

I went to my house to set up the projector but I kept forgetting key elements… like cords and so forth… my house was awesome though.. It was total 60s minimalist.. Everything was white!!! White leather lounges, shag pile rug, white plastic coffee table.. It was really hot. A friend of mine came over for movie night and we chatted… laughing about things.. The last thing I remember is touching his face with my flat palm and kissing him… a completely comfortable, unaware moment.

my favourite albums of 2008

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 22:35:02 GMT

1. TV on the Radio - Dear Science
2. Joan as Policewoman - To Survive
3. Black Mountain - In the Future
4. She and Him - Volume One
5. Portishead - Third
5. Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
6. Mark Barrage - Delays
7. The Breeders - Mountain Battles
8. The Presets - Apocalypso
9. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Dig! Lazarus Dig!
10. Beaches - Beaches

That was brutally hard… as ordinarily… the Nick Cave album and the new Black Mountain should have topped that list (as 'best' album of the year… it no doubt goes to Black Mountain.. I've never fucking heard anything like it)… other albums that get very very honourable mentions are from Cut Copy, Barry Adamson, the Ruby Suns, Bonny Prince Billy, Sea Sick Steve, the Raveonettes, the kings of leon, spiritualized, sailors and swine, goldfrapp, the firekites… I'm really happy that there is so much Australian content in this list….

And also theres albums that I have not heard yet because I just havent had time to download them like the new you am I, of montreal, juana molina, the drones, eagles of death metal…. So it could ultimately change.. But here is my humble list.. Its been an amazing year of music…. And gigs!

the helpful head

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 22:14:00 GMT

They keep coming…

Last nights dream was truly bizarre…. I was in some small country town like bowral.. One of those quaint ones that sells antiques… but all the shops sort of seemed to be closed. I walked from shop to shop peering in the window and saw the light on in a homewares store and went in. I called out to see if anyone was there and apparently noone was. Thinking.. Jesus..this *is* a small town, leaving their stores open like this, and I walked out just as another man walked inside. I was walking down the street when the man comes rushing out with the bright red kleenmaid mixer that he had nabbed out of the window (my dream mixed btw) and he runs to his car. That’s when all these people, townsfolk obviously, come out of the woodwork and start yelling at him. Its like this town was a trap for dishonest people. Anyway, you hear this car engine roar and start screaming down the street and they ran him over.. So hard he was completely decaptiated. I really got into the spirit of this, yelling at the man and his dishonesty.

I grab the head off the street and start sternly talking to it, telling it off like a would a child and the head is sobbing and saying he's sorry. The driver of the car comes up to me and says "that man is very valuable and he knows where a secret cartel is hiding, we have to get him to give up the location" so head under arm like a bowling ball I get into the car and stick it in the window screen screaming at him that he needs to direct us to where they are. The head is sobbing and saying he's sorry over and over and starts to direct us to the secret hideout. Rewarding him for being such a good talking head (and hed basically directed us right there) I said in a mumsey voice' well now you can sit in the back because you've been a good head, I'm just going to be your seatbelt on' and I sat him in the back seat and put the seatbelt around his neck and he smiled at me so happy that he was no longer in trouble. And then the dream finished.

Ha! Ha!

more dreams....

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 22:05:37 GMT

Last nights dream…

I dreamt I was back in London.. I've had a few different versions of this dream… details change but the general structure stays the same… I unexpectedly go to London, its snowing, I decide to drop in on the girls in the old space in Marble Arch. I get there, a Russian mans voice answers the door, I ask for Laura and Anando and I get buzzed in. The girls have over taken the entire building and the muffled sounds of whacks, cries and grunts fills the hallway as apparently the place is full and business is good.

I go to the first door which is usually where the girls hung out but I find an enormously fat woman, naked, with her butt pressed against a pane of glass that is suspended from the centre of the room and a naked man standing behind it staring at the pressed flesh. Her head peaks around from her massive flesh and these blue eyes bore into me as I retreat backwards making my apologies. I stand outside the door trying to quite comprehend what I have seen when the women swings the door open violently and slams it behind her. She giggles and apologises for finding her in such a compromising, weird position. I laugh and say I used to work so nothing is that strange to me, she smiles warmly at me and walks back inside.

I head up more stairs to the top floor and press another buzzer to get in, I got up some more stairs which is into this sort of loft area where 2 giant Russian men are sitting and there is a heroin addled girl on the couch. Laura and Anando attack me with cuddles and I laugh and smile and touch them affectionately. Anando has clearly undergone gender reassignment surgery and Laura is looking quite butch, when Anando goes to get some drinks I raise an eyebrow at Laura and she says "yeah it happened last year… out of the blue… she said that was the reason why she was on the drugs for all those years…. Not comfortable in her own skin", but apart of me is thinking that these 2 women are now owned by the Russia mafia and they have been doing gender experiments on them. I cant remember where the dream goes from here… but I had whiskey in my belly and the snow flakes were falling on my face….

HAHAHA

STRANGE FUCKING DREAM

I dream about being in London a lot though… its always snowing… and I always go back to the Marble Arch space to say hi…. Marble Arch no longer exists…. And the girls are scattered everywhere…. But I always revisit this time in my mind….

2008

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 23:16:03 GMT

Yes. Its that time. I've done this survey since 2003 I think, anyway they're under my memories if you're that weird and want to see the path of destruction Ive reaped through my life, so it was aslow starter but 2008 was something that was truly remarkable.. and 2009 is just going to get better….

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Lived alone. Cut up my credit cards and stopped accumulating debt. Stopped speaking to my sister and father for a year.

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Sort of. My new years resolution this year was to take good care of my tattoos, ie sunscreen.. I've been 75% good. I have already decided my new years resolution next year is to go to the beach more.. and there was one other but I cant remember what it is…. To have SAVINGS

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No! Amazing!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My friend Jabe Bromhall. You da best lady, I think about you a lot.

5. What countries did you visit?
None! (goes back to the *reducing* debt part)

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
again money, responsibility and stability (this as been the answer since I've been doing this quiz) but… I'm getting closer to this and could achieve it by next year.. Just before I turn 30.. WOOHOO

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 6th, the day Jabe died

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Maintaining and gaining more fitness, gaining stability for myself, taking care of me instead of everyone else, distancing myself from my childhood and learned behaviours once and for all, paying off 10K off my debt, learning how to take apart a bike and put it back together again, maintaining the loving beautiful relationships I have with other people, waking up alone in my apartment and being the happiest I've ever been, being honest about my emotions with other people

9. What was your biggest failure?
Biggest shortcoming…. Believing what people say a bit too much…. Not standing up for myself enough….

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Reaaaallllllllllllyyyyyyy bad flu (couldn’t walk for 3 days) other than that no injury! WOW

11. What was the best thing someone bought you?
I was given a tonne of good stuff… namely gin… the gift that keeps on giving...

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Dude. Clare. Anyone who helps me clean up my vomit, cook me breakfast, have me cry my eyes out on her couch whilst still on LSD and then help me pay for a flight to sydney and hold my hand deserves a fucking parade.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Probably my own…. I live in a fantasy land too much in my own head….

14. Where did most of your money go?
Back on my debt baby. I did have a minor obsession with missy elliot for adidas clothing and wranger shirts.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Bjork at the opera house, event of my life.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I'd have to say 1,2,3,4 by Feist.. Just cause that fucking song was EVERYWHERE

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Way happier
b) fatter or skinner? Slightly skinnier but way more toned
c) richer or poorer? Richer in the way that I've paid off a tonne of debt….

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Nothing really… I totally partied my heart out this year AND took care of bizwack… probably gone to the beach…. seen more of Bill.,, maybe just maybe.. Stayed at home a bit more….

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Eating cake…. Well SO much cake.. Moan on about boys.

20. How do you plan to spend Christmas?
With my mummy and her sister and my brother and my uncle and my 2 cousins… down the south coast of new south wales

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
No… enamoured.. Yes….

22. How many one night stands?
4…… wow….

23. What was your favorite TV program?
The sopranos totally blew my mind I had never seen it before…. but Xavier Renegade Angel, Dexter, and True Blood are late contenders

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hrm not really…. I stopped speaking to a bunch of people.. but theres no hate.. just intolerance for shitty behaviour….

25. What was the best book you read?
The windup bird chronicles by Haruki Murukami

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Oh WOW there was SO MUCH AWESOMENESS, music discovery implies to me a band you have never heard before.. Probably she and him, fleet foxes, the frowning clouds, white denim, les savy fav, the presets, mark lannegan and isobel campbell, midlake, of montreal

27. What did you want and get?
Stability… STABILITY

28. What did you want and not get?
I'm pretty sore about not being able to go the breeders gig

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Towelhead by Alan Ball

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
An awkward few beers at the union… I was 28

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A pool boy

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Pastiche.. There were lots of shorty shorts.. Total glam rock hair.. and now I'm channelling my inner Isabella Rosselini...

33. What kept you sane?
Exercise, masturbation,

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ian motherfucking mcshane/james gandolfini

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Sorry day…. Gay marriage… the passing of the laws to enable full parent rights to gay couples and IVF access to lesbians and single women.. Dude.. OBAMA… I *still* get tears!

36. Who do you miss?
Right now… I miss my wife.. terribly…. and my derby wife

37. who was the best new person you met?
Hard! I meet so many new people! Would have to say my awesome psudeo flatmate Mike…

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?
that life is precious and to honestly not waste your time on other peoples bullshit.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Change is hard, I should know.
I should know.
I should know. "

meme akshun courtesy of inkymitts

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 03:48:05 GMT

What are you listening to?
The budos band….

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
Not particularily…. It would be weird though….

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Yeah sure.. I mean you have to put these things out there!

Has someone ever made a promise to you and broken it?
Jesus. Start with a lifetime with my father and go from there….

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?
Yes.. .and a giant teddy bear

Does anyone hate you?
Id likely say so…. I tend to arouse extremely strong emotions in people….

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
I think I've proven that….

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
Of course… Aido is deffo on the top of the list

Do you hate the last person you had a conversation with?
No… we talked about baking childrens birthday cakes! How could that ever come out of someone I would hate!

Do you give out second chances too easily?
I believe everyone deserves a chance at redemption/forgiveness.. I've definitely hurt a lot people I love and been grateful to make ammends...

The last person you kissed needs you at 3am, what would you do?
Dude.. if he needed a kidney I am there..

How many hours did you sleep last night?
Not enough! Too many saucy dreams!

What are you doing tonight?
Watching eastern promises with some misfits...

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Vego pad thai

Do you believe exes can be friends?
Sure.. My ex is my besty.

What is wrong with you right now?
I'm blowing green snot and doing cabbage farts..… that’s definitely wrong.

Do you want to see somebody right now?
Yes! I would love for larry hagman circa I dream of jeannie to materialise at my desk and ravage me on the photocopier

How's your day going so far?
On a scale of 1 to 10 working in an office.. Its around an 8…..

Did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?
Dude……………………...

Do you have an ipod?
No. I have a creative.

Have you ever flown a kite?
Yes. I've also built several kites from scratch. I was a bored child.

Has anyone ever proposed to you?
Yes and many different things.

Last time you shared a bed with someone?
Sleeping or sex?

Craziest thing you've done in the past week?
Shit. Tooooo many to be embarassed over. I did find a taxi driver who was willing to stuff my bike in the back seat of his car.

What is on your feet?
The most comfortable cons in the world… fuck you nike!

How's your heart lately?
A bit battered bruised and lost but reforming into something that’s actually mine

First store you visit when you go to the mall?
Never go to the mall

Last thing that made you angry?
My shamelessness….

What time do you go to bed?
Generally by 10.30

Last place you went?
Port melbourne for some pad thai….

Do you pay any bills?
What sort of stupid question is that?

What's on the calendar for next month?
Birthday, ATP in Sydney, Big Day Out, Melbourne Theatre Company, my mummy visiting!

What is the last thing you bought?
The Womens Weekly kids birthday cakes cookbook (chrissy pressie to myself!)

dreams....

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 22:51:02 GMT

I have been dreaming like nobodies business.. Every night full of dreams… detailed… long… I wake up exhausted… I've been dreaming solidly for the past 10 days at least… last night I had a dream I had sex with Nick Cave in a swampy house in the south (hot)… covered in vines and abandoned but with some sort of hilbilly party, knee slapping, jug tooting in its bowels and tree roots outside… on Friday night I had ovarian cancer but found out I also had a brain tumour, I was working at the same place I worked when I was living in London… on Mayfair with a cross dressing boss, an American from one of *those* states like… Idaho or Iowa…. I remember clearly having to tell my mother on the phone that I had a brain tumour and that I needed surgery immediately… I asked the doctors to show me the CAT scans… and it was a full colour photo of this giant growth in the between the front lobe of the left hand side of my brain.. Pink coral was growing out of it.. along with all this was a bread stick, some cheese and other pieces of bric a bra like some nuts and bolts and some post-it-notes…. I remember thinking.. Wow yeah.. That’s a growth my friend… HAHAHAHA the dream ended with them shaving my head in surgery to cut into my skull.

I feel like I'm winding up…. winding up A LOT of important shit…. let long nursed feelings that have curdled be known…. other feelings that have surfaced after many many years…. my subconsious is screaming at me to be heard… but I feel ready to move on. This is the first time in my life that I've truly.. Geniuinely looked forward to the new year as a beacon of hope and good time… I feel solid in myself….

This year has been good to me… but I have also been good to it… I feel like I am shedding this skin… this skin of adultesence… breaking the familial patterns and becoming my own show. I feel ready to create my own family now with none of the sins of the father staining me. Even if it ends up a family of me, I'm pretty rad.

catch up....

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 03:45:01 GMT

Ok its about time I caught up… as I'm feeling… like writing right now.

Marigolds Yum Cha

Best yum cha in Sydney. Hands down. Exe but TASTY.

Atticus Finch

Gorgeous wine bar on Lygon st East Brunswick. I'm living up to my self made promise of hanging out in this part of town more. Especially now I have found out I'm no longer allergic to wine! Has to have something to do with not getting hay fever anymore. We had the cheese plate and wine, apparently the food there is good but I haven't had any of it bar the cheese plate which was lovely. The turds behind the counter are a little too cool for school, but good bartenders are hard to come by and they're easy on the eye without being too obnoxious so my disdain is not pointed towards them as of yet. We *were* there on a Friday night, Friday night being the magical pumpkin in this town, whisking away the lady and leaving the trollop behind, so perhaps its aOK because I didn’t want to leave, not once. I always want to leave ANYWHERE I go on a Friday night in Melbourne.

Lourinha

Another wank fest Melbourne tapas bar. Unlike the sublime Movidas next door, the tables are CRAMMED IN and doted on by exactly what I hate about Melbourne, holier than thou fucktard hipster foodies. I mean seriously that’s a gift, making a living from turning your nose up at people whilst serving them food. Fuck off. More expensive than Movidas Next Door, but the food is on par (what I tried which was 2 dishes). The people I were with seemed very impressed so perhaps I'm just a withering, snobbish cunt (otherwise known as I'm beginning to detest absolutely anything that has a little Collins or Collins in the address).

Loop

Foul. Next.

Greens (cant find a link)

Ok I cant find ANYWHERE on Sydney Road, Brunswick that has that magical combination of ok to decent service and good food. Greens has amazing food but the shittest fucking service I've ever come across. Every time I go there I vow never to go back but this time I AM NEVER GOING BACK. Our coffees were weak and tepid (seriously in this town it should be a punishable-by-the-stocks offense to serve bad coffee) and our cake never turned up. With 3 people behind the counter and NOONE ordering, the entire backyard was a pigsty. We left and asked for our money back from the cake. They all just sort of looked at each other like 'I thought you were going to do it' and then 'what a fucking bitch' because I refused to have it takeaway. Fuck off you cunts. DON’T GO THERE.

The Union

My local pub! Just reopened and about 20 metres from my house. Fantastique. From the same guys who brought us the very respectable The Standard in Fitzroy, the Union is AWESOME. The food however is completely bland. Such a shame. They need more varieties of beer but all in all.. Its lovely and like "cheers" as most of my friends live in my neighbourhood and there's always someone propped at the bar I know. If you ever come and visit me I will take you there as par for the course.

Mule (no link)

Another Sydney Road shitfest. Fantastic food but the service is FUCKING TERRIBLE. Like Sydney bad service. Like they sneer at you if you dare go to the counter after waiting for 20 minutes to have your order taken, sneer at you and then bark at you that its no table service and then after 5 minutes slink over to your table disgusted that you interrupted their conversation on how amazing Ani di Franco is. I would burn the place down if I could be bothered.

The Edinburgh Castle

I like this pub. I hate the old bar flies that live there. Lewd staring and muttering usually happens when I walk past. The food is ok… nothing special. I just wish it wasn’t such a gross old mans pub. The food is too expensive for what it is. The vegetarian options aren't good enough, meat eaters may feel differently. I do however really like this pub and can see myself playing ping pong there and drinking coopers all summer. They do have a great selection of beers on tap.

The Alderman

Gorgeousness. Another Lygon St, East Brunswick gem. Its like hanging out at someone's beautifully restored Victorian terrace. Adrian and I drank a jug of cocktails, ate delicious labna and played cards in the sun all Sunday afternoon and it was just pure gorgeousness. Lovely, friendly, unpretentious staff, highly highly recommended.

Camis Shanghai Dumpling House

Like Bimbos, Camis is a popular haunt for the poor and cheap alike. $20 between 2 people will stuff you to the gills with dumplings, pumpkins cakes and chinese broccoli. Pop in next door to Section 8 for a quiet beer afterwards and a lovely night is had by all!

Section 8

I love this bar. It has its fair share of tards, hipsters and normal people, but they all live in harmony, enjoying the music and a beer in the sun. Where's the crepe man gone? He wasn’t there last night but they were hosting salsa classes instead which was a cute difference. Section 8 otherwise known as 'the container bar' is exactly that. Someone dumped a shipping container on a disused lot in Chinatown. Awesome. Great to sit there in the summer sunshine after work. Especially that I got asked for ID last night too. HAHA!

Mark Barrage album launch

Markos is my friend and an amazing musician. You should check out his stuff here: http://www.myspace.com/egarrab
I'm a little biased but I of course loved it. Hes amazing.

I was seriously burned out from the first round of festival season the past month. I'm getting back into the theatre come Sunday, going to go and see a production based on the David Sedaris book about him being a elf in Macys. Should be good!

the silly season.. ring a ling ling

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 23:27:12 GMT

Again exhaustion sneaks up behind me. I find myself napping these days. which knowing me as you do, is strange strange strange. The benefit of having quickflix these days, something to make me lie down, however once I do, I seem to doze off. Lovely.

3 weeks till xmas, Children have you been good? Time to pull up those socks and brush those teeth and smile ever so sweetly at Daddy. I will be going home for 5 days, passport paperwork in hand, in and out, ninja style, before new years. I've come to realise that my hell would be new years eve in Sydney on rotation. pure. vile.

My contract is finishing up mid February which is a total pain in the arse. Boeing are in the middle of retrenching half their workforce here, no room for contractors. Its been kind of depressing me. That and its a year since Nan was hospitalised, a year since uncontrolable crying over took me in its arms and squeezed all the fluid out of me. I find myself thinking about her alot. I've been crying a bit from it. I just miss her so much. I have another friend who is gravely ill with cancer who is just constantly in my thoughts too.

Clare and I have been cooking. This week onion jam. We also finally found a proper Christmas pudding recipe and made ours last night (a week late but nonetheless), I feel so saited by these simple gestures. We boil her up tomorrow and then its a cool, dark place and a dousing in brandy until Christmas. Clare and I will be having our Christmas together on the 21st before I go home.

This time of year is just so depressing. What have I done, what does it all mean? A year.. a YEAR... its a whammy bonanza this year, a year since nan died, end of year depression, christmas, new years, my birthday. All conjure feelings of inadequecy, loneliness and isolation. I cry in my kitchen on the phone to Daniel, frustrated at crushes that yield nothing.... 'whats wrong with me?!' I wailed into the phone... 'nothing is wrong with you'...... surprisingly, this makes me feel entirely better.... sometimes someone just needs to say the words to you.. make them physical....

I have had an astonisingly good year. I have to keep reiterating that. I just dont want to have to look for another job. That is just too sucky.

Listmania….

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 02:28:37 GMT

Holy CRAP

TV on the Radio tickets go on sale on Monday!!!! !!!!!! Supremely excited goes no where near right now…. Definitely going to be the show of the summer. I'm bummed I'm not going to be able to go to the Fleet Foxes show… why do they underestimate things so much? And can we not even talk about how Public Enemy are playing at the Espy on New Years Day (srsly wtf? Book a bigger venue!) I'm so excited for summer its ridiculous! I'll be doing all the festivals again this year (well the ones that arent disgusting like Meredith or Falls) so, ATP, BDO, Laneway and Goldenplains.

I have a conundrum. Black Mountain are playing their side show in Melbourne when I'm in Perth.. and playing Perth the night I'm supposed to be leaving. So do I stay the extra night in Perth and go and see them? Seems like its going to be an awful lot of money and I'm sure the crowd is going to be SCARY. I'll think about it. Ive estimated that minus Danielson (who.. Honestly I just don’t think I'm ever going to see outside of the states), Les Savy Fav and Calexico.. .I've pretty much seen all my current fav bands (and most of my all timers) in the past 2 years…. AND I get to see Neil Young in January… which is.. Well something I never thought would happen…

Bands that I have seen this year:

Bjork at the Opera House
The Arcade Fire
Shy Child
Spoon
Juggers
Battles
Eddy Current Supression Ring
Pnau
Broken Social Scene
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Feist
Goyte
Little Red
Ween
Iron and Wine
Beirut
Jens Lekman
British India
Jay Reatard
The Sea and Cake
The Frowning Clouds
Barry Adamson
Roland S Howard
Sailors and Swine
The Dead South
Joan As Policewoman
Patti Smith
Patti Smith and Phillip Glass
Toshi Reagan and Big Lovely (most awesome surprise of the year)
Dj Spooky
Mark Barrage

Bands that I was devastated I didn’t get to see:

The Arcade Fire (sideshow - I did see them at the BDO) this is now a completely legendary show in the Melburnian psyche…
The Breeders (couldn’t get a ticket for love or money)
Stevie wonder (too expensive! $150 for shit tickets.. Fuck off!)
Goldfrapp (again too expensive! $110.. Cmon man)
Devo (too expensive!! $150)

So many of those bands were just jaw dropping experiences too. Bjork on the steps of the Opera House was literally my dream come true, but there was so so much more gorgeousness… beirut, feist, joan as policewoman, little red, iron and wine, patti smith, jens lekman… these all moved me to tears they were so wonderful. Ive had a killer year for music and next year is shaping up to be just as magical.

lists...

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 04:48:52 GMT

A list of people I really want to smack in the face

Tony hawk
Baz lurhman
Rosie o'donnell
Hugh jackman